Today the Lord's hand in my life came at my request. For the last week there has been a man staying with us. He needed a place to stay, and we have an extra room, so the Captain invited him to stay with us for a couple of weeks while he looks for a place to live. For the last couple of days, his three children have been staying here, as well. Much to my shame, I have had a very bad attitude. The kids were driving me crazy, and I just wanted them out of my house. They were in need of my charity, but I couldn't seem to muster any for them. I felt like they had been foisted on me, and I was somewhat resentful. I knew that the Lord would want me to be kind to these kids and their father, and that their circumstances were beyond their control. They hadn't chosen to stay at my house for the fun of it, they were here because they had no where else to go. But they were still driving me crazy.
So I prayed for a change of heart. I asked the Lord to lend me some of His love for these children and to be able to serve them without a grudge in my heart. I really wanted this blessing, and I was pretty sure the Lord would grant it, since it was a righteous desire, but I wasn't sure how or when it would arrive. I woke up the next morning after my prayer ready to be a new person, but it just didn't happen. Fifteen minutes with those kids running through my house, and I was as tense and irritated as ever. I tried, I really tried, to think kindly of them and to be patient with them, but oh how I wanted my home back.
Today I went to church, glad to be away from home for a couple of hours. Little did I know what was waiting for me there. The full-time Elders were speaking, and the first one stood up and talked about how the less-actives were just as important as the non-members in our area. This hit home, since the family that is staying with us are definitely less active. The second Elder talked about how we need to be uncomfortable. That definitely struck a chord, since I have been extremely uncomfortable. He talked about how the inactive people they talk to say that they are comfortable with where they are at, and don't feel the need for any changes in their lives. So that means that if we are comfortable in our lives right now, we need to do something to change that. We need to do something outside of our comfort zone and get uncomfortable, because that is how we will grow. Then the third speaker got up, who is a friend of ours who just returned from his mission. In his talk, he said that the purpose of this life was to learn how to love. The first commandment is to love the Lord thy God, and the second is to love thy neighbor. All the prophets and scripture heroes served the Lord because of love, and our ability to keep the commandments comes from love. I needed to learn how to love. I need to learn how to love even those who are difficult to like. I needed to learn how to love those children.
I cried all through Sacrament Meeting. I knew that I had been given an opportunity to grow, and I needed to use it as a stepping stone, not a stumbling block. I was humbled and ready to serve those kids with a full heart.
I didn't get to try, though. As soon as we got home from church, the kids left. Their dad is still here, but he wasn't really the one driving me crazy. So I don't know if my change of heart would have endured a real-life trial or not. Or maybe the Lord was just waiting for me to learn that lesson before he took the kids away. I don't know how it would have turned out, but I am grateful for three different talks that all seemed to be directed straight to me today, and for the renewed testimony that the Lord hears and answers my prayers.
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